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Having Children is a Fundamentally Flawed Concept

by Niklas Haas on January 30, 2020

Tagged as: personal, rant.

I’ve slowly come to the realization that there’s no sane, rational or healthy reason to want to have children. The way I see it, the moment somebody decides having children, they are already committing a sin: by not only wishing another person into existence, but a person you can dominate, mold and influence, you are acting on a desire for power - ostensibly power over another, but since this other is an extension of yourself, you are ultimately seeking power over yourself.

If you ever hit a point where you feel like your life is missing children, that means you are missing something - and you are creating children to try and fill this void. It would seem as though the prerequisite for being a parent, therefore, is life dissatisfaction. After all, if you’re satisfied with life, why would you decide to change something so major/drastic about it? The only even halfway compelling reason I can come up with is “because you’re bored”, and honestly, if you’re the type of person who thinks perpetuating the cycle of suffering as a way to stave off boredom is somehow morally acceptable, then you’re already not mentally healthy enough to become a decent parent in either case.

The inevitable conflict that arises here is that a parent invariably has something to gain from a child’s success. Perhaps they see their children as versions of themselves they would have liked to have been. Perhaps they see their children as accessories who need to become successful so they can brag about them. Perhaps they see their children as slaves who are supposed to become rich so they can provide for their parents when they get old. Perhaps they see themselves in such an inflated, narcissistic esteem that they delude and blind themselves to their own suffering and think they will make a great parent. Perhaps they just want an unwitting victim they can unload all their rage onto and who is powerless to fight back. Perhaps they expect their children to unconditionally love them in return, the way they were never unconditionally loved in their own childhood, because their parents had the same issue. I’ve yet to see a single “noble” reason for wanting a child.

A proof of this is the almost invariably universal reaction of any parent to get frustrated if their children somehow “disappoint” them (e.g. by becoming drop-outs, addicts, whatever). How they cope with that frustration is a different topic, but the matter of fact that they get frustrated - either because they had certain unspoken expectations of their children, or perhaps because they feel insulted about spending so much time and effort on a child only to have them “throw it all away” - demonstrates their ulterior motives. But the irony here is that the typical parent doesn’t see that not only are they are the one with the problem, but even worse, they had the inane conclusion of trying to solve those problems by sinking unjustified amounts of effort and money into their children, and now have the gall to somehow expect their children to be innately grateful for being born without their consent.

At the end of the day, the only reason we have children at all are because we are all slaves to our survival instincts - those very same survival instincts that create conflict, misery, suffering etc. in the world, as we kill and backstab each other in the hopes of saving our own hides. Some of us are brave enough to accept the meaninglessness of existence and rebel against our preprogrammed instincts in an effort to find a modicum of peace, but the majority is content simply bumbling their way through life without a second thought as to what it is they are so desperately trying to compensate for. As evidenced by both the tragically high rate of children being born to this date, as couples continue blindly following ingrained social stereotypes and breeding instincts, and the fact that humanity appears to continue being on the fast track towards self-annihilation as our (once useful, now maladaptive) survival instincts run amok.

By having children you are basically admitting you are weak, powerless, a slave to your own biology and instincts; culturally/religious indoctrinated to satisfy an empty ideal; and/or simply think that “existing for the sake of existing” is a good thing, no matter how objectively terrible that existence may be.

And finally, a good parent wouldn’t place their kids onto unhealthy pedestals. But if you aren’t placing your kids onto unhealthy pedestals, why does it matter if they’re your children or not? There are plenty of other children out there in the world. Go spread your love and support and knowledge and whatever elsewhere. Don’t make more of the problem.

We are all chance products of a hunter-gatherer society that had to band together in the face of extreme adversity. But the hunter-gatherer age is long gone, yet despite this, those same survival instincts keep us kicking, like a failed experiment that has outlived its own usefulness. The only extreme adversity we face is from ourselves. Our survival instincts are dead relics of a past age that no longer exists. There’s no future for humanity, and even if there was, it’s incredibly egomanic of you to expect you’d be around to see it. It’s time to let go of empty dreams and end the cycle.

Please stop having children. And if you already did, realize that if you truly loved your child, you wouldn’t have given birth to it. And seek professional help, you monster.